Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Judge not...


I've always said that you can learn something from anyone when it comes to riding (or horsemanship in general), whether it is what to do or what not to do. I didn't truly understand the depth of it until I became older and matured a little. The truth is, from my teens to my mid-twenties I had the mentality that I was right and the majority of people were wrong (obviously there were still a lot of trainers and clinicians that I had a lot of respect for). I was cocky and arrogant. Riding came so easily to me that I had no tolerance for people who just couldn't figure it out. I was told how talented I was quite often and I believed it. The things they were doing wrong would seriously annoy the hell out of me. I'd wonder how they could try and fail so miserably over and over again without giving up. Why did they keep going?



Then life happened. I got older. I hurt my neck. The work at the racetrack started to take a toll. I began to hurt everywhere and was completely drained. Constantly. Riding was no longer so easy for me. I almost gave up, thinking that I will never be as good as I should be. For about three years, I got very little accomplished when it came to riding and that frustrated me even more. There were a few spurts where I would be all into it and then I just wouldn't be anymore. The frustration was an evil voice nagging that I just couldn't do it, I would never be any good. I should just throw in the towel.


I began to have a new respect for the people that I could never understand before. In the time I was having my little pity party, they advanced. Some more than others, but they all improved. I didn't. What didn't come naturally was made up for with determination, education, and consistency. I began to understand that talent was nothing without the attributes that these people possessed. They had heart. Excuses didn't come out of their mouths. These riders kept at it for all of the right reasons: the love and challenge of the sport. At the end of the day, that trumps everything.


Over time, the riders that I was so busy being annoyed at in my youth became my inspiration. If they could do it, then I could too by following their example. Riding isn't as easy for me anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't get where I want to go. Even if I fail, at least I won't look back and have regrets. It won't be because I gave up.




With that revelation, I see and hear the younger me all over the place through other people. Do this, do that people! Why can't you do this or that? Here, I will write a post on a blog or some social media site to complain about how ridiculous and annoying it is when someone doesn't/can't do this or that. Or I'll just talk very loudly about the mistakes that so many riders make hoping you will overhear and get it. Maybe if I rant and rave enough it will get through your thick skull. Ugh! This drives me crazy, that drives me crazy.



My question is: Why? Why do we even care (with the exception of someone doing something so detrimental that it's bordering on abuse)? How is it that we find someone else's mistakes so offensive? What entitles us to suddenly become a person's instructor or judge so easily? Does how someone else rides affect our own riding? No, so what's the problem? Wouldn't our time be better spent worrying about our own education towards advancement?



Now, I realize in the horse world that there are wars between people. Jealousy, fights, rivalry, etc. contribute to the nasty comments and judging. I'm not talking about those situations. What I'm referring to is when we get so upset over a person's riding when they have never done anything to us or we don't even know them. What is it that we truly find so intolerable? Why do we feel the need to profess our own expertise so badly?




I can see a professional having the right to express their opinion, but the truly good ones don't usually concern themselves with someone's skills unless they are paid to. They don't feel a need to prove their expertise or put others below them. They are where they are and they are confident in that.

Food for thought.






18 comments:

  1. wow I love this post. I had similar experiences that made me look at myself for things I found wrong in others, or bothered me. It was me, not them, that was bothering me. I see how many insecurities I had (and still do to a degree) and see them in others now too. I was taught to try to be humble, so I desperately wanted people to SEE and acknowledge if I were any good or had talent. I didn't say it, but it didn't stop the things I thought and kept to myself. Now, I see how many others are that way too. The horse world is so strange and unique, but everyone wants to be told how good they are, how far they've come, etc.

    Thank you for a lovely post.

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    1. I'm really glad you liked it :) I think that the need for approval and insecurity definitely plays a big part in it.

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  2. Good post. I have a tendency to do this, and I don't like it when I catch myself doing it. Something to be more aware of, for sure!

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  3. Well said! For some reason the horse world almost feeds on that strange judgmental atmosphere, maybe if we would all be willing to grow and change and mature it wouldn't seem like such a scary place to outsiders looking in. Love what you wrote and love all the quotes!

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  4. Interesting points for sure. I'd classify myself as not naturally talented, but I'd never really thought about it that much. Bravo to you for sticking to riding and working at it even when your life is nuts.

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  5. great perspective. i think some of it has to do with growing up. 10-15 years ago, even if i, personally, didn't know everything, i believed my trainer at the time did. and anybody who diverged from her was just plain wrong. but greater exposure and experience has proven that there are many different ways of being 'right' (and only a few, pretty clear-cut ways to be wrong)

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  6. Yeah I don't know, I don't think there is really an answer. When we post things online especially we are putting ourselves out there, right or wrong, people will judge you, and its in our nature to make a snap judgement. That's how our species was able to survive and evolve. It really serves very little person now other then to get us out of immediate danger. My best advice for myself has always been to hold my tongue, and keep any and all well meaning advice to myself unless asked, and then even when asked add a lot of qualifying remarks to my statement out of politeness.

    I was never and never will be naturally talented. Kudos to you for sticking with it, I know a lot of naturally talented people who didn't have the drive to continue and it made me sad, but their priorities and desire lay elsewhere so kudos to them for that.

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    1. We do put ourselves out there a lot, but I think the way you handle it is a lot better than how some do. I think you look talented on a horse from what I've seen :) If it wasn't natural, you did a good job of creating it.

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  7. It takes a lot to come to terms that a single person isn't right. I learned early on because I was always the one being scoffed at (even still today). I may have not been the best rider, but I was determined as all hell to have a good relationship with my horse. To the point that I stopped riding my TB for 6 months because someone told me I was too "heavy" for him. But I finally said screw other people and we became an awesome team. The woman who was supposed to pick up B for me told me that I was making a horrible decision and I should spend the money and get a nice horse because she didn't think I could handle it... Look at us now! People can be so snappy to judge when we all just really want the same thing.

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    1. Very true. Good for you for being able to handle it and getting past those comments!

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  8. It's so true, my perspective has also changed a lot as I've gotten older.

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    1. A few years can definitely make a big change in our perspective :)

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