I will survive

The purpose of human life is to serve, and to show compassion and the will to help others. 

Albert Schweitzer

Or at least I keep telling myself that. Sometimes I'm not sure whether or not I can make it through the next few weeks here in good old Hellbuquerque. The area around the track feels like one giant death trap between the way people drive and all of the druggies about. Not to mention, there's enough less than intelligent people around to give a girl a nervous breakdown (seriously, my left eye has been going into twitching fits since I've been here, which is just disturbing). I was done with this place before I got here and I'm now so far beyond that point, I don't even think there are words to describe how I feel. 

It's possible that the area of Albuquerque that I spend most of my time in (there really are good parts of this city) is just so different from home that it's a culture shock. I'm not the type to get homesick, but this place is enough to make me miss that clean and safe feeling that Idaho gives people (for the most part). I think I can recall a total of about three times that a stranger came up and asked me for money in Idaho and they usually needed it for gas which was what they were really using it for. Here, it happens almost daily, sometimes two or three times. Usually some tweaker comes up saying they need money for the bus and you still see them at the same bus stop four hours later. The only thing that has changed is that they aren't shaking as much. Don't get me wrong, I'm a softie and it's very hard for me to say no to people. If it's someone that seems at least remotely sober and I don't feel like I'm getting fed a complete line of bullshit, I will give them some money. I'll put gas in someone's car if they ask or buy them something to eat and drink. However, I have a very difficult time contributing to someone so I can support a drug habit that will kill them and there aren't many people around here that are down and out just because of bad luck alone. My favorite part is when they get all pissed off at me for not giving them a hand out. Or when I'm sitting in my vehicle and they come up and knock on my window, insisting that I roll it down and won't go away. Or when I don't even want to walk into a business because I can see them just waiting for me to get out of my truck. Yep, I miss Idaho or pretty much any place I've ever been other than here.

The absolute worst part, is that I pretty much hate them. That's not me, I don't just hate people that I don't even know. Helping people makes me happy, I usually want to do what I can for them. When did I become so judgemental and lose my compassion? I've had people help me so much throughout my life, I should want to give back. These people have been written off as lost causes, which most probably are, and I despise them for it. They're beyond help, so now they're  just an inconvenience? That's just so wrong and yet I can't help but feel the way I do.

So maybe I'm proving myself to be quite the whining bitch as I sit here well fed, with a safe and warm place to sleep, typing this on my iPad while there are people that not only have nothing, but no one in their life. Maybe I'm insane for even letting the situation in this city bother me. One way or another, it does bother me though. I'm just not sure whether it's on a personal level or a moral one.

 

Totally Suckered

I swore up and down that I wouldn't go to the track in Albuquerque again. Then again, I swore that two years ago. It's a shit hole. There are giant cest pools in the barn area. It's loud and stinks. There are pigeons everywhere that crap on you. I'm pretty sure that the nasty little buggers take aim and fire too. That's just at the track. The area around the track is full of vagrants, drunks, meth/crackheads, hookers, and things that used to be people (I'm not even sure how to classify them). Then there are those that like to steal your vehicles or anything else that has any value. No, I'm not being over dramatic. Nope, I'm not going!!!!! No! No!!! HEEEELLLLLL NOOOOO!!!!

This little peach actually jumped out, ran to a car behind him to bum a cigarette, and then jumped back up in the truck with a practiced ease that gave him more than enough time to complete his mission before the light turned green.

Demon birds conspiring about who will bomb me from what direction. Ugh! They're so gross!!!

Or so I said. Now I'm going. And here's how I got suckered:

A few weeks ago a friend messages me about taking a couple of horses to Albuquerque if she decided to run them there. I asked the fiancé and he said that he would train them if she decided to send them. Friend contacts me today saying she has decided to send them with the fiancé. I tell him. He tells me it looks like I have to go to Albuquerque now because he can't have that many horses without me helping him. Do you see how I totally got outsmarted on this one? On top of that, he was quite smug about it. Jerk.

In all honesty, I was probably doomed to go from the beginning. This just gave him a better opportunity to justify it. Oh, well.

Don't get me wrong, I'm super happy to have the business and she has very nice horses. I'm not complaining about that part at all. However, be prepared to listen to me bitch about the Downs at Hellbuquerque from the end of this month until the middle of October. A lot! I don't give a crap how much they raised the purses, that place sucks!

In my defense, I have to go, but I have conditions that had to be met before I would agree.

He better be having this mentality the entire time I'm there!

1. My ass is gone with the truck, trailer, and load of horses as soon as the meet at Phoenix starts.

2. Both Indy and Beefheart are being boarded at my trainer's place.

Of course, I forgot to add that I get to take as many lessons as we can afford and that I am going to every show possible. I'll fit that into the package somehow though. Along with another trip to the Derby, a girl's weekend at Del Mar with my friend, a trip home.... let's see what else....oh yeah, a new camera, another pair of full custom Koenigs, and a new computer (okay, I'm pushing it). Oh yes, this one WILL cost him...

My fave trainer keeping me organized before a class on Winn.

There is one good thing about going and that is that I do get to ride with my favorite trainer and his wife. I've been so much more focused with my riding this year that I'll be more likely to take advantage of having a trainer so accessible. Especially after trying to do all of this dressage crap while being locked down at the racetrack this summer. A trainer, a real arena, no match racers to try and kill me while I ride (that obviously doesn't cover at the racetrack, of course). Yes, there is at least one positive part about being drug to Albuquerque kicking and screaming. Riding will help me survive it. Well, riding AND large quantities of alcohol.