Rising From the Ashes

It's so nice to be back in Phoenix! This city is such a huge improvement over Hellbuquerque. From the second I pulled in, security was great to deal with (see my security experience at the Downs of Hellbuquerque here) and everyone has been extremely friendly, other than our neighbors that seem to hate us for no reason other than they are bored. Whatever. I can deal with that.

The fiancé galloping Reya

Right now, we have fourteen horses at the track and no groom yet. Needless to say, I've been working my ass off. Fingers crossed that we find one soon because that is a hell of a lot of work for just the two of us.

Indy is settled in at her new barn and I love it there so far. She has a big stall and the place has large turnout areas, a covered arena, a couple other dressage arenas, a training track, a jumping arena, and a pretty awesome looking cross country course (not that I will ever use it, but who knows). There's even more there, I just haven't explored the whole place yet. The trainer and the couple of people that I have met so far have been very welcoming. I'm really excited for my first lesson!

It was hard to leave without Beefs, he's traveled with me so many miles over the years. I wish so much that I still had him with me and miss him every day. I do feel like starting at a new barn will help me get past losing him. I loved it out at JL and MB's, but being in a city and at a track that I like also, makes life as a whole seem much better. It feels like a new start.

So, I guess that's it for tonight. I've fallen behind on everyone's blogs again and am hoping to get caught up as soon as possible!

TBT: Winn Free Jumping 2012

This was in the spring and he used to stress and lose weight during breeding season, so he's thin in these pics. 

 He was a little awkward the first time over the oxer.

 Better

Thinking of putting him in training with a H/J trainer when I get to Phoenix. Leaning more towards the hunters. Maybe I can get him sold? Thoughts?

Win, Lose, or Draw Part II

I had a whole, detailed post almost finished when the battery on my iPad died and I lost it all. I don't have much time to retype the whole thing, so here's a list of key points of the show, which is probably a lot less boring anyway. You're welcome.

SATURDAY

Braided Buster, which he thought was a really stupid idea.

Saddled Buster.

Went to grab something out of my truck and locked the keys in, along with my white breeches. 

Cussed. A lot.

Tried not to have a panic attack while one of JL's owners and a couple of people got the door unlocked.

The courtyard of the barn that we were in.

Thanked them about a million times and went to get dressed.

Cussed Ariat for making a shirt that is damn near impossible to button and then proceeded to cuss the dry cleaners for making it even more impossible to button with excessive amounts of starch.

Tried not to get too giddy when I put my new show coat on (yes, I'm a nerd).

To show how big he is, I'm 5'11". And my new coat. It needs taken in a bit in the waist.

Got on and went for a quick warm-up, which went pretty well.

Went into the arena feeling fairly confident.

Judge rang the bell, I went down centerline, saluted, and then everything went to shit.

Okay, I'll stop with the list there. This needs a little more detailed explanation. Basically, Buster started pulling, I pulled back, and everything just kept getting uglier. My right hand was so cramped up by the middle of the test that I had to find a way to pry my fingers open and then push them back shut to shorten my reins (yes, that was very awkward). He pulled so hard that I almost took a cross and stood up out of pure instinct from galloping the horses at the track. I had never been so happy to be finished with a test in my entire life!

The salute of shame

I was so mad at myself after the test. I did everything that I was taught not to do. It wasn't Buster's fault. Yes, he tested me a little, but I responded in all of the wrong ways. If I had made one good correction he would have quit. I didn't.

Carrying a bad pilot

I rode Buster back to the barn, got off, and cried. I don't cry after bad tests and usually just laugh it off. It wasn't that I knew the score would be low or that a I was embarrassed, just completely disappointed in myself. Knowing that I could do better and that I might not get that opportunity was very frustrating. When I lost Beefheart, I lost my ride times in the show. The show manager was kind enough to take my late entry on Buster, but he could only get me in for one ride on Saturday. The only hope I had for getting to ride in another class was if someone scratched. I REALLY wanted another opportunity.

Because leaning back and pulling is always a good idea.

We scored a 59.4, which I thought was generous, and finished second to last. That part wasn't a big deal, it happens. If I had thought that was our best, then I would have been okay with not getting another ride.

SUNDAY

I got lucky and someone scratched on Sunday.

Our warm up was going okay, but not great. MB gave me a couple of tips on transitions and that helped. Then JL walked in, told me one thing, and everything came together pretty well. The ring steward and TD even asked JL what he said to me because my riding did a complete one-eighty. He replied that he just walked in and waved his magic wand. Yeah, pretty much.

Whoever came up with the idea for white breeches is a jack ass! My thighs look huge!

This test went a lot better. I rode the test sitting, which helped quite a bit. Our transitions were better, everything was more consistent, and the whole test was a lot more fluid. Sitting back and (trying) to ride Buster through was almost as exhausting as him pulling on me the whole time, but it was a fulfilling and satisfifying exhaustion.

Such a good boy!

We ended up scoring a 67.9 and were first. Of course, I was the only one in the class so it probably doesn't really count. It was still a win to me though.

So, what were the magic words that JL said to me? All he said was to bump Buster when he started pulling down on me. It wasn't so much what he said, but that it reminded me not to just be passive. I remembered to sit back and ride, to expect more. That one little tip changed my whole mentality. I guess that's what good trainers do.

*I have to mention that Buster is fantastic! He moves nice and doesn't ride like a big horse at all (except for when I ride like an idiot). He is a complete gentleman and totally safe, no spooking at all and that arena is pretty scary for horses. I learned a lot from the big guy this weekend! Being able to show him was a wonderful privilege!

Win, lose, or draw

The last week and a half was insane and hectic, and that was before having to put Beefheart down. The fiancé was at Zia Park in Hobbs, NM and I was taking care of all of the horses in Albuquerque by myself. I had to run three horses while he was gone, two of which were in back to back and I had to get them ready by myself. I had to run one the day after everything with Beefs happened. Two days after that, I had to make the five hour drive to Hobbs (for the third time in three weeks) with the fiancé's aunt and our jockey for a stakes race. That filly didn't run well. I was beyond exhausted, pretty much ready to collapse and just wanted to get to the hotel and crash. Then I found out that our rider needed to get back to Albuquerque that night. No one had mentioned this to me before. I was done, literally could not have driven another five hours. Couldn't take anymore. I told the fiancé that he could drive them back, I would pack everything in Hobbs and bring the horses back the next day, but I absolutely 100% refused to be in the truck for another five hours. I was pissed. Then I cried. It was the last straw, too much for me to handle, and I just broke down. I rarely say no and I'm even worse at standing up for myself, but I got pushed well beyond my limit.

One of the horses did run well while the fiancé was gone. Click HERE to watch the replay of Sandy's race (Race 8 ALW at Albuquerque). I'm not in the win picture because I was back at the barn getting the next horse ready to run.

It ended up that the fiancé and I stayed and our rider and Ty's aunt went back. The jockey, my friend, seemed pretty pissed at me and I don't really blame him. He wasn't there that week and there was no way he could have known the mental and physical toll that it had taken on me. I'm sure I came across as some spoiled witch throwing a hissy fit. The fiancé's aunt seemed more understanding, but I felt like a complete asshole for not being the one to take her back to Albuquerque.

Anyway, that was supposed to just be short. Oops.

I miss him so much!

I had entered the recognized show this weekend with Beefs. It would have been our first recognized show together and I had really been looking forward to it. Obviously, the show became the least of my worries when Beefheart coliced, but it added to the heartache of losing him.

MB and JL know how much I love to show, how it keeps me focused. MB offered me her horse to ride since she wasn't able to show due to running the 'L' judging program during it. 

I had planned on going to the show just to help everyone else. I didn't even know if I could make it through one. However, I needed to get back to riding so that I didn't shut down. The longer I waited, the harder it would get. The show gave me something else to focus on, a goal.

So, meet Volunteeer aka Buster:

What the hell is going on with my equitation?!

He is an almost 18 hand Hannoverian and the sweetest thing in the world. He is safe, talented, and kind. I rode him for the first time early last week and got along with him fairly well so MB and I decided that Buster could handle a show together. I only got one other ride on him at the farm and a walk (with a tiny bit of trotting) at the show grounds the day before the show. Buster is such a good boy, he didn't need the living piss ridden out of him on warm-up day. So, There weren't many opportunities for Buster and I to get to know each other. This was pretty obvious in our class the first day.

To be continued....

Pushing through

I want to say thank you to everyone for your condolences, thoughts, and prayers. It's been a rough few days and my heart is broken, but I'm surviving. Again, thank you for your support.

It's too difficult to go into too much detail, but Beefs coliced. The fiancé said it was okay to go ahead with the surgery as long as the vet was optimistic of his chances of survival. She wasn't. She wasn't even sure they could get him into the surgery room as soon as he would need to go. I would have paid any amount of money to save him, but I wasn't going to pay in excess of $10,000 to have him go through surgery, suffer a few days, and then have to be put down anyway. I've never seen a horse in so much pain, none of the medication had helped Beefheart at all. He kept falling down and whinnying. I couldn't take seeing him like that any longer and made the decision to put him down.

The fiancé has been in Hobbs for the last week, but JL and MB were there with Beefheart and I.  I'm extremely grateful that they were because I'm not sure I could have handled making the decision I did without their support.

I miss Beefs so much. I always will. He was the horse that gave me back my confidence and taught me to enjoy riding again. Beefheart gave me so much happiness in general. Right now, I am just trying to focus on how lucky I was to have the time that I did with him.

So, I'll be okay. It's going to hurt like hell for a really long time, no doubt about that. I have had and probably will have mor breakdowns over losing him. The last few days have been filled with guilt, denial, hopelessness, anger, and about every other negative feeling in between. The worst is when I just become numb. I've had a lot of wonderful horses in my life over the years, but I have never gotten as attached to one as I did Beefheart. Through him, I was finally getting the dedication and love of riding that I used to have back. He helped me put my heart back into it and I will always be thankful for that.

A company has generously donated product for me to do a giveaway. I owe it to them to get this contest going and I need to do something fun and distracting, this will be good for me. Contest details coming soon.